This is ridiculous, the trouble with trying is that when you start something you have to STICK TO IT. So readers(mom), I’m sorry I haven’t posted in two weeks…Now to be FAIR, my world caved in on its self and I almost died of full-blown, all-around chaos… BUT (as people who’ve never experienced anxiety like to point out) I didn’t die, and have yet to actually die from anxiety…(cough*assholes*cough).
So ANYWAY, on to a point I’ve been thinking about for about two weeks: society. YES PEOPLE, SOCIETY! More specifically societal pressures, but I felt like capitalizing the one word was more effective. 🙂
(I’ve posted about this in miniature on my instagram account @troublewithtrying <– follow me)
Now don’t get me wrong, I love society. I love the chaos and the people and the ups and downs and the wild personalities and all that comes with it, but I am absolutely negatively affected by its pressures!! THOSE DARN PRESSURES! The ones that are subtle and a result of the obsessive sharing nature of instagram, Facebook and twitter where all of our positive moments are pitted up right smack dab against everyones most vulnerable insecurities…
As much as I’d love to say that I am a free bird with a soul that cares nothing about other’s thoughts, I’d be fucking lying. I AM however a total wild weirdo (as any of my 3 friends and mom can attest to) but open weirdness doesn’t stop me from enviously scrolling through Instagram, wishing I owned a sheep skin rug where I’d place my expensive swell bottle and light pink candle, all while listening to records… and then somehow unknowingly have a photo taken which I’d add to my already luxurious instagram feed…
ha.ha. damn you, Instagram, that isn’t real! Well, maybe it is, but it’s not for me…. I like to pretend that I can do that, (in reality I guess I probably could) but I’m BUSY OK? I’m busy trying to have a job, to have a life with friends, to not let anxiety take over my life, to be a decent girlfriend, busy trying to get a work-out in once a year and not lose my mind worrying about being “happy” with my personal reality.
Oh yeah, AND trying to get happy with my body and my choices and my love of drinking wine and be a proud yet fair feminist/equalitarian as well as a compassionate human, all while trying to make the world a better place (also RECYCLING, fuck)…
SO to you, societal pressures, I would ask you to please stop. Stop making me feel a tad bit shit about it all.
Oh, and no, its not just those fluffy pretty apartment posts, but those other posts and articles that make me feel like at 28, I should be a successful surgeon/doctor/entrepreneur and know exactly what I need/want in life. Plus all those other expectations (having kids, volunteering, eating organic, understanding politics…) that I really “shouldn’t be worrying about” (another thing to worry about – not worrying…pfft) .
So my darlings, to try to sum up this rant, please recognize I’m obviously struggling with all these thoughts and you are not alone… Know that there is no wrong in these thoughts and there is no fast fix, you just have to know it’s ok to feel that way, because everyone feels it to a certain degree.
Now, to calm my main worries and thoughts I’ve recently figured out, you should be THANKFUL for those shit moments…. Sure, you may have the job you love, a great partner and friend and a balanced lifestyle but the thing is, you know the wonderfulness and happiness of these experiences BECAUSE you’ve felt sadness and stress and pressure. These things that are so seemingly negative (who are we kidding they suck…) help us to enjoy and value and APPRECIATE the goodness and wonderful moments. I guess thats my point, and my current struggle: to try to let the worry and anxiety go and remember that but there is always a Yin to the Yang, a beauty in the chaos and some chaos in the beauty.
Be the chaos people, love your life and your stress and happiness and sadness and crazy range of emotions… because I’m out here too, just trying to embrace the chaos.